Issue #4: Night Feeds, Midnight Thoughts, and the Lessons I Didn't Expect to Learn

a late night (err... early morn?) stream of consciousness from my brain to yours

This came from some thoughts I couldn’t get out of my brain at a time when my baby was sleeping—and I, of course, was wide awake for two hours in the middle of the night. Funny how that works. 😆 These are ideas in my mind, things I’ve learned, and things I’ve started (or moreso stopped) doing to make the late nights feel a little easier.

P.S. I typically post new issues every Thursday and share a monthly roundup on the first Tuesday of every month. But sometimes, when I’m itching to share, there’s a bonus post (like today!)—love keeping it fluid. So, here’s a free post for all! xx

There’s a strange kind of clarity that comes in the middle of the night. When the world is dark and quiet, when it’s just me, Andrew, our baby (and our two dogs), I think about what I wish I had known at the start of this journey.

And how, despite not knowing, we somehow figured it out anyway.

I nurture day and night because that’s what has always felt right.

Because my baby doesn’t have a sense of time.

Because I don’t want her to think that comfort has hours of operation.

In a capitalist culture that prioritizes independence, efficiency, and productivity above all else, I find myself craving slowness in motherhood. I want to focus on building a secure attachment with Keira, trusting that confidence will come from feeling safe first.

Support.

I wish we had more support for moms. Not just the 'it takes a village' cliché, but real, tangible support.

Mandated paid leave.

Sleep support covered by insurance.

Access to “sanhujori” or other built-in postpartum care systems that prioritize rest, nourishment, and hands-on support in those early, vulnerable days.

Care that helps parents heal and thrive, not just survive.

We weren’t meant to do this alone, and yet, so many are. I know I’m lucky to have support in ways many don’t. Andrew and I are in it together, and even with both of us here, it is still a lot!

Self-Regulation.

My baby doesn’t need me to be perfect—she needs me to be safe and steady. She is biologically wired to co-regulate with me. So my focus is on being that safe place. That doesn’t mean I’m always calm, but it means I try.

I try to breathe deeper and slower when she’s unsettled. I work on myself instead of trying to 'fix' my baby. We also work on learning how to be better partners in this new way.

Co-Sleeping.

I wasn’t planning to bedshare. But at some point, getting up seven times a night felt impossible, and I realized that putting my newborn on my chest was where she belonged.

How could something that feels so right be wrong?

Bedsharing is something our ancestors have done for millennia, and it remains the norm in many cultures today. And yet, here in the States we are made to fear it intensely.

What started as an hour or two at night turned into all night… and now, we’ve been sharing a bed all night for months.¹ Keira is almost 7 months old.

If more moms knew that their baby may not want to sleep in a crib alone—that it’s absolutely normal for them to want to be on/near/next to you—would it make that transition feel easier? More joyful? Or maybe even something to cherish, an oxytocin-fueled bond that makes those late-night moments feel sacred rather than burdensome?

Infant sleep is naturally fragmented. It's a part of their development. The West paints this as a problem to fix with sleep training, courses, and consultants… whereas it's viewed as normal and expected in many other parts of the world.

What if we managed our expectations and stopped asking new parents, 'Is your 8-week-old sleeping through the night yet?' Then, maybe more moms could feel reassured that it's nothing they are doing wrong.

What if, instead of letting fear and over-caution lead, we leaned into instinct?

We are bombarded with narratives that make us second-guess ourselves at every turn, trusting the random Instagram expert before we trust our own instincts.

You want to know when things really shifted for me?

👉🏼 I stopped checking the clock. I don't need to know what time it is every time she wakes. Knowing it’s 3 a.m. doesn’t make me any less tired.

👉🏼 I stopped tracking feeds. As someone who loves tracking, I never thought I’d be here. But logging every session wasn’t conducive to staying sleepy at night. My goal became to stay horizontal as long as possible—and in turn, Keira stayed sleepy too. I simply don’t need to know exactly how many times she nurses overnight.

👉🏼 I practiced side-lying nursing. Even when it hurt, even when I thought it would never work. For months, I accepted that it wasn’t an option, until one desperate night when exhaustion made me try again. And this time, we got the latch right.

…and I just kept her close.

That's when everything got easier.

Instead playing detective every day and night trying to figure out how to get her to sleep longer stretches, I turned the focus back on myself.

What could I do differently to lean into this season? How can I make myself more comfortable, so Keira has space to do things in her own time.

Of course, there are nights when she’s teething, or nights when she’s inexplicably awake at 2 a.m., nights when I’d give anything for an uninterrupted 3-hour stretch of sleep.

(Hello, ALL OF JANUARY! 😅 Read below)

Issue #2: If I Don’t Laugh, I’ll Cry

Even though I was literally in survival mode in January, it actually was the push I needed to finally let go of the clock and the tracking… and omg, it has been so liberating.

When I tuned out the noise and leaned into what felt most natural for me and my baby… we all got better rest.

And when I zoom out, I don’t just see the hard nights—I see the sweet rhythm we’ve fallen into.

The way she snuggles into me when I rub her back.

The way she instinctively reaches for me in the night.

The way I’ve never felt more connected to another human being.

She is, quite literally, an extension of me.

It’s a bond so deep, so natural, that I wonder how I ever doubted what she needed from me.

I didn’t know any of this in the beginning.

But maybe, just maybe, the best lessons are the ones we figure out in the dark…when it’s just us, and the quiet, and the knowing that we are exactly where we are meant to be.

1. Look up the Safe Sleep Seven for more info on how to safely bedshare. I also found resources like @cosleepy & @happycosleeper on Instagram to be incredibly empowering!

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