Issue #23: How Our Marriage Has Shifted After Baby — One Year Reflection

personal thoughts on how our marriage has shifted in the first year of parenthood — what’s changed, what we miss, and the unexpected ways we’ve actually grown closer

Hi friend! I’m feeling chatty today, so if this newsletter cuts off, click on "view entire message" and you’ll be able to view the entire post in your email app.

This is part of a new mini-series I’m writing called Alongside Motherhood — a collection of honest reflections on how becoming a mother has reshaped not just who I am, but how I love, relate, and move through the world. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be exploring how this shift has touched everything — from identity and partnership to family and friendship… I hope you’ll find pieces of your own story here too. Catch up on part one of the series here.

If this series resonates and you’d like to support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber. It’s thanks to you that I get to keep writing during nap windows (though let’s be real… it might be time for some official part-time help lol). Your support truly helps me keep showing up here — and I’m so grateful for it. 🤍

Me: “Andrew, can you believe our baby is almost ONE?!”
Him: “Yeah!”
— lol, riveting conversation.

Okay, but it continued…

We were on our daily morning walk when we had a cute little moment reflecting on this past year. I told him, “We have a sweet, healthy, happy baby. We’re in good health. We have a home that feels good, we have food on the table, jobs that bring us fulfillment and flexibility. We’re not really wanting for anything. All we need to do is be kind and love each other.” We both laughed in agreement… and meant it.

When it’s said like that, it feels simple, right? And in a way, it kinda is. But day to day, it’s also easy to lose sight of that… especially as new parents figuring it out as we go.

There was this TikTok I saw from a neuroscientist who said when it comes to our brains… it’s all journey, no destination. There is no end goal. There’s no rush of dopamine coming for you because you hit a point where you “win at life”. It’s the journey that brings the purpose. The brainstorming, the striving, the creating, the grueling challenges, the joy in the process… that’s how our brains work.

And I think about that a lot — especially in parenthood, but also in partnership. It doesn’t stop when the baby is born. Just like love doesn’t stop at “I do.” The joy is in the everyday… the tiny moments… the mundane. Even the exhausting stuff! Actually, ESPECIALLY the exhausting stuff.

We need friction, discomfort, and challenges in our life… it’s healthy, and shows how much we give a damn! That being parents means a lot to us and we really don’t want to f*ck this up (for lack of better words).

And that is how I know we are doing amazing (and you are too).

Partnership Expectations vs. Reality

Before we had Keira, I think I imagined a more balanced version of “sharing the load.” Like, you take bath time, I take bedtime. You do the groceries, I do the laundry. Nice, neat, even.

But what I’ve learned is that balance doesn’t always mean 50/50, 24/7.