Issue #22: Who am I alongside motherhood?

Rediscovering who I am while becoming someone new. These are my reflections on identity, creativity, and the blurry space I’m moving through as I near one year of motherhood.

This is part one of a new mini-series I’m writing called Alongside Motherhood — a collection of reflections on how becoming a mother has reshaped my relationships. With myself. My partner. My family. My village. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be exploring how this identity shift has touched every corner of connection. I hope you’ll find pieces of your own story here too.

If this series resonates and you’d like to support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber. It’s thanks to you that I get to keep writing during nap windows (though let’s be real… it might be time for some official part-time help lol). Your support truly helps me keep showing up here — and I’m so grateful for it. 🤍

Today, I’m feeling a bit lost.

I get it now when people ask, “Who am I outside of motherhood?” But that specific question doesn’t quite land for me. Because… there is no outside. I’m a mom. I will always be Keira’s mom…

But, I’m also still just a girl! — all while becoming someone new right before my eyes.

Right now, I’m in this strange, uncomfortable, neither-here-nor-there phase… but it’s a season that I know will bring more clarity as I muddle my way through — and when it does, something new will surely unfold.

So maybe the better question is: Who am I alongside motherhood?

I’m not trying to make a separate lane where I can pretend nothing has changed… I wouldn’t want that anyway. I’ve been letting motherhood devour me in the best way… fully leaning in. And I want to be here for it all. I know how fleeting these moments are. But it’s also true that everything I once poured my energy into — the videos, the writing, the work that used to light me up — now squeezes into two nap windows a day. And that’s where the lost feeling sometimes creeps in.

It’s twofold: I want to give her everything. And I want to keep something for myself, too. There’s no final destination or trying to “get back” to who I was before — this is the journey. This messy, beautiful, stretchy season is the point. And I know when I do carve out a little time to make something or write something, I show up more fully for both of us.

I’m really not sure if I’m making sense right now, because I’m writing from inside the moment. But, I am trying to name something that I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling, yet I don’t quite know how to articulate.

So anyways, I’m just trying to walk with it. To let it reshape me. To be okay with this uncomfortable disorienting feeling even if it gives me a bit of an identity crisis croissant. (I’m calling it that, because crisis doesn’t feel right, but croissants — those are always right.) 🥐