Issue #6: No Crumbs Left — How I'm Letting Motherhood Devour Me

let’s talk about motherhood & identity: navigating who we were, who we are, and who we’re becoming

This one’s especially for the soon-to-be moms or anyone navigating motherhood for the first time. I’m writing from the perspective of a first-timer myself — just my honest, evolving experience of letting motherhood shift my identity in real-time.

I remember sitting across from a friend over coffee a couple years ago, declaring with conviction, "I refuse to make being a mom my entire personality." At the time, it felt like a promise to myself — a line drawn in the sand to protect the pieces of my identity I'd carefully built over the years. Now that I'm on the other side, I can't help but giggle at my old self, so determined to hold onto an identity I didn't yet realize would only grow richer, deeper, and more layered with time.

Yes, motherhood can be all-consuming — it often has to be in some seasons. We're navigating sleepless nights, constant demands, and an unrelenting need to adapt. It's transformative because it asks everything of us while giving so much back in return.

Yet everywhere we turn, there's this loudly spoken pressure not to lose yourself to motherhood. I see it on social media, hear it on podcasts, and even get it from people I know IRL.

We all change, no matter what paths our lives take. Yet society seems to cling to the expectation that new mothers should "bounce back" — not just physically, but emotionally too — as if returning to our pre-baby selves is the ultimate goal.

But what if I'm not looking for my old life? What if I want to fully lean into discovering this new one?

After all we've been through… growing, birthing, healing, and now raising a child — of course we're not the same. And maybe that's the point.

What I used to prioritize before having a baby has been devoured — no crumbs left. And in its place is a brand-new worldview and a kind of love I never saw coming.

I hear folks say, “Ugh, now all she does is talk about her kids,” and I’ve been that person eye-rolling at mom content before I ever thought about having a kid. But now that I’m here… in “her” shoes? Ahhhh…I get it. I see now.

Turns out, this kind of transformation has a name: matrescence. It’s the physical, emotional, and psychological shift a woman goes through when she becomes a mother — kind of like adolescence, but for parenthood. I wish I had known about it sooner because it explains so much.

No one expects a teenager to “bounce back” to who they were before puberty, yet new moms are constantly met with that pressure. But what if we saw this change for what it really is… a transformation, not a loss?

I still have moments of insecurity, catching myself wondering if I have anything else in my brain.

But should I apologize for the ways motherhood is transforming me? Should I downplay the new dimensions it's brought to my life?

Is it so wrong if motherhood is my entire personality right now?

Because I kinda freaking love it here.